Mixed Emotions

jan having a moment

It is said buying a home, your first home is exciting. You supposedly are excited and ready to dive in to unpacking and all the various and endless projects of making the place yours. I have to admit I had the opposite effect and I honestly am not entirely sure as to why.

I have been in a funk ever since buying the home. It’s kind of like a melancholy haze with slight fits of going mad. I get these brief moments of excitement then it goes away. I am grateful for been given the opportunity to buy a home and I do love the house, but I guess I was expecting a lot more enthusiasm from myself. Perhaps it’s my age. Ha!

One reason may be because for a time I was so set on the small house movement. I was set on letting go of so much stuff and simplifying my life. However, this wasn’t meant to be because of various reasons. Mainly my mother will be selling her home and moving in with me sometime next year. There is no way I could manage having her live in a tiny home with me. I also ended up moving everything instead of letting some of it go and now it’s all stashed away here and there waiting for me to go through it at some point. When will this be possible now that there is a multitude of plans and projects?

I think though the number one reason of the funk has been the lack of a garden. I lost my lovely garden and it is the number one thing that keeps my emotions in check and grounded. Everything was dug up and transported here to the new house, but many of it has not been properly moved to a holding bed and still in pots. Some of it did manage to make it into the ground, but the new beds have been somewhat neglected due to the extreme heat and rain we had this past summer.

The roofing truck had left huge ruts in the grounds all around the house and as a result I will need to have the yard grated, but I am not sure this is going to be affordable at this time. So I am trying to figure a way to work with the ruts. As well, at one time, there were a few large trees removed and they too left large craters in the ground. If I wanted to there is one crater I could actually make a water feature out of because it’s that big!

I realize the best thing I can do is not ponder on it and just dive in and get to work and I have been, but there is so much to do and I feel like not enough of it is getting done.

However, lately I have been feeling better about owning a home. I get these moments of “Oh yes, I can do whatever I want” or “This is brilliant!” So I guess those feelings I was expecting when I bought the home are now beginning to surface… six months later.

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